jokes | Monday, Dec 6th 2004, 01:28:42 PM
So Fark.com mentioned a Sun article featuring bad British jokes. Most of them were utterly stupid. So in the comments thread people posted jokes they thought were good (instead of those British ones). I collected a few of them here.
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Hey, it's kind of hot in here." The other muffin replies, "HOLY SHIT! A talking muffin!"
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
A: Neil Armstrong WALKED on the MOON, and Michael Jackson has sex with children.
Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your whole week, anal makes your hole weak.
Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other, can you smell carrots?
Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
So a polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a gin and ... ... ... ... tonic."
"OK," says the bartender, "but why the big pause?"
"Well, I'm a bear."
A loser guy with a harelip could never get a date. Finally one of his friends hooks him up with a girl who has one wooden eye. Their date a wonderful, and afterwards she asks if he would like to go out again. He says 'Would I? Would I?"
She yells back at him 'Harelip!'
Two strings walk into a bar.
The first string says, "I'll have a beer."
The second string says, "Same thing for meIOU#4v8kjl3n4jnb,.mn23lk4j2o9u8vsdkniuRJH#mn342.0000000124,vn."
The first string leans over to the bartender and says, "Sorry about my friend. He's not null-terminated."
Interrupting coefficient of friction.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no penis?
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Sorry, but we don't serve your kind here...'
The mushroom replies, 'Why not? I'm a fungi.'
A whale walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Sorry but we don't serve your kind here...'
the whale replies, 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooowwwwooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiieeeeee'
How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb and the other to hold the penis.
Shit, I mean ladder.